Still

Careless Fools
Me and You
Turned beauty into this.
From where we fell
trying to fly
past the pain
of you and I
to that place
Our Love creates.

We’ve closed the door
broke our hearts
but love cant forget its part.

Bigger than
You and I
Stronger than
Every lie
Remind me still
I always belong to you
I can run
I can cry
I can will my soul to die
but still I reach
still I need
still I hurt
still I bleed
and still I belong to you.

By Radonna Hill

Lost

Love created me anew

I did not exist till you

My eyes once blind

now could see

you loved the life in me

Your name on my lips

vibrated to my center.

I breathed your breath

was completely whole

Found the other part to my soul

Never the same again.

My breath is gone

My soul is raw

Remember me before the fall?

Scattered in the rubble

the pieces left of me

I place them all together

but still I just cant breathe.

Please

Im fighting hard to save us
Standing so tall and strong
but I feel the center soften
wont be long before I fall

the tears already burning
the truth is plan to see
got to bend before you break me
some things aren't meant to be

you can try to fight the current
you can go against the grain
you can open up the heavens
you can try to stop the rain

but you cant start over
or make my heart brand new
no way to un-break a promise
or to un-tell the truth

Hope she just stopped coming
her voice is faint and dim
please find a way to save me
dont let this be the end.

You

When I break in pieces

and want to fly away

I close my eyes and picture you

and have the strength to stay

Your the map I trace

the hope I hold

a carved out dream

my glimpse of gold

the prayer I pray

the steps I take

my excuse to stay

my smiles not faked

my someday

my maybe

my what if

you save me

Falling Lost

Aching lost the falling star
 that from the heavens came.
 My burning heart has traveled far
for something it can't name.

 Streaking through the darkness,
its memory left behind.
 Just because I see it
doesn't make it mine.

 Beautiful and tragic
 no longer shining gold.
 I am black and burned by love
 and beauty I can't hold

Mystery

The mystery of heaven
designed to be thought true
belief in a place where
I could picture you.
It explains the unthinkable
gives it eyes and hands
controlling destiny
call it divine plans
Creator with the power
to heal the broken me
your glory to the greater
nothing tangible remains.
asking for devotion
the blame is what I give
with just a breath of nothing
my everything could live.
how can it be predestined
why bother at all
ants under a microscope
roll the dice and call.
It’s human interpetation
it’s limited you see
explain away the mystery
theres nothing more to see
The universe is inside me
that is where you are
so much closer
than somewhere beyond the stars

Someone Elses Dream

wipe away the tears
cause they aren’t mine to cry
but I can’t stop the love
so I push it down inside
I need to be reminded
of what will never be
so I don’t get lost
in someone elses dream
Oh baby I can hear it
when you say her name
she was meant for sunshine
while I’m left to cry the rain

Heaven

In the corners of my mind
shadows use to play
till you brought the sun
and took them all away.
illuminated by your smile
I see the world anew
I feel close to heaven
when I look at you.
But heaven is worlds away
somewhere beyond the blue
and holding heaven in my arms
I know I’ll never do.
Its alright I’ll be okay
not having you to hold
this love it may be new
but my heart is very old.
If only for a moment
I stood there in your sun
It was enough to feel
I fought the dark and won.

Close Enough

Heaven’s eyes like diamonds
sparkle beautiful and bright
Heaven’s laugh like music
tinkling and light.
Heaven is beside me
dreams they do come true
Heaven is embodied
all in perfect you
Close enough to heaven
to look her in the eyes.
Close enough to see my dreams
but know they’ll pass me by
Close enough to touch her
yet my hands are very still
Close enough to look at her
and be sure of what I feel
Close enough to heaven
to breath her deeply in
marvel in amazement
at her perfect skin

Hope

The Beauty now forgotten
hope has closed her eyes
my heart once besotten
only pain abides
The dreams I held so dearly
now desolate and void
in pieces at my feet
last of hope destroyed
Love arms itself in battle
hear it’s mighty cry
Hope rejoins the army
with wings of butterflies
How I recognize it
as it starts to breath again
delicious waves of tingles
crawling cross my skin
Powerless to powers
I seek to understand
How a heart so broken
can hope to love again.

Golden

Golden in my memory
your hands caress my face
close enough to taste you
my arms around your waist
I love the peaceful feeling
being next to you
our love build us a haven
I can escape in you
You took away my sadness
gave me hope brand new
I dont believe in magic
but I do believe in you.
Your my souls provider
I crave your every thought
your worth the tears I’m crying
and every battle fought
You are my forever
my heart is yours to keep
everything I have in me
I lay it at your feet.

I miss you

I smile but I cant feel it
I cry my tears inside
I laugh but I cant mean it
without you by my side.
Im full but still feel hungry
I breath but long for air
I’m drowning in my sadness
this distance so unfair

All of me

Secrets

I told my secrets to the stars
they had heard it all before
in every little child
that wished for something more
I showed my aching to the moon
asked her to go away
Her shadows couldn’t touch me
if the sun would always stay.
I knelt before an alter
right there on my knees
told a silent Jesus
my each and every plea.
I sank into the river
as deep as I could go
I’d become the water
then no one would know
I released my soul to nothing
I built a place inside
where all my humanity
could bury in and hide.
I stood and faced a morning
so blinding and bright
I turned my face away
it hurt to face the light.
I became the shadows
my eyes they bore the pain
The stars kept my secrets
The moon she held my shame.

I wont forget again

Good don’t get me no where
All I strived to be
Given to the counterfeit
and held back from me
For a moment I saw happy
right there in my grasp
It was only an illusion
trapped in the broken glass
I picture me out of dreams
and think of what to say
to unlock the garden
and let love find it’s way.
the eyes that mirror mine
that knows the pain I feel
that saw past illusions
that only saw the real
looked and saw me broken
and didn’t look away
but I guess that I forgot
No one ever stays…….
I wont forget again

Finding Numb

Sink to blackness
rise to white
cold and gloomy
still alright
Timeless writing
set in stone
desolate, void,
aching, alone
Temptations to red
steel against bone
unchanging melody
wavering tone
Salvation was lost
my innocence gone
blame winters frost
It’s natures pawn
Reach into darkness
pulled to my chest
nursing the sorrow
Pain does the rest

Contradiction

Familiar Stranger
silent night
tears the starter
pain ignites
Fire burning
into my soul
Helpless aching
lost control
Greatest sorrow
Greatest break
Greatest love
Greatest ache
Sweet joy……
in a word
your repairing
all that burned
I’m Untouchable in
the warmth of you
gentle wispers
Hold me true
Life is such a beautiful contradiction.

Brokens Familiar

If I had a chance I’d take it
what harm could it do
I could be more broken
or I could be with you
Broken is familiar
I’ve walked its road awhile
Walking towards fufillment
in an unfamiliar mile
Why hold back my heart
Why lock up heaven’s door
When I have an reason
I’ve never found before.
I know I can survive it
my heart it holds the proof
I will pour my heart out
I refuse to stay aloof
The numbness will not own me
I refuse to let it win
I am stronger than the agony
The sun will shine again

Anymore

I poured my soul into the ground
as tears like rivers flow
dry and dusty earth
needed more than I can cry
the tiny seeds inside me
now whither up and die.
Everything is broken
theres nothing left to try.
Ran from pain into the night
and there I found myself
cut the binding from my heart
wont live for someone else.
Too hard for too long
what am I fighting for?
When everything is aching
I can’t remember anymore.

Quiteness

No sound can reach me
floating high above
nothing else matters
can’t remember love
no cords to tie me
no thoughts left to think
dive deep in the water
forever I will sink
down into the blackness
soul less nothing more
the center of a moment
the broken bloody core
absorbing in the water
I will not fight for air
it’s blackness that I’m needing
to just no longer care.
Bliss full as I surrender
an ugly bloated shell
dreams once so vivid
a deathly shade of pale.

Broken Need

It had it’s roots in hope
once just a little seed
how did it grow so tall
this broken little need
once just a promise
now nothing but a lie
how could I find a reason
then beg the seed to die,
withered branches tangled
thorns cut my soul to bleed
oh please pull it out
some things should never be
my tears could fill a river
polluted by this thing
it’s glory has been sullied
now nothing but a name
it wound around inside me
so tight I can’t get free
overgrowing sorrow
watered with my grief.

Hopeless

It wasn’t how I planned it
no this can not be me.
Staring in the mirror
I’m running out of dreams.
The future feels so hopeless
it hurts to take a breath
halfway living
inside I’m scared to death.
I want more than just surviving
I want to really live
I’ve tried everything
I have nothing more to give
Not so long ago
before it fell apart
I dreamed the impossible
I broke my own heart
So I learned a lesson
I hope but I don’t wait
and when I start to dream
I dream but stay awake.
The walls are built around me
I’m reminded of who I am
I’m holding back the tears
my fingers in the dam.
I keep it all inside
but it’s fighting to be free
and when it falls to pieces
there will be nothing left of me.

Nothing

Nothing lasts forever..
Something stays awhile..
Never a word unheard
lost within a smile
Nothing lasts forever.. How long now has it been?
Staring into darkness and wonder where it ends…
Nothing lasts forever
forevers far too long
No hope left for something
No reason to stay strong
Nothing lasts forever…
as seconds tick on by
nothing nothing nothing
no matter what I try.
Nothing is inside me
empty aching soul
everything I have to give
yet nothing makes me whole.
Nothing matters
Nothing hurts
Nothing’s broken
but nothing works.
Nothing equals Everything
the sum of being me
Nothing holds forever
Nothing holds my dreams
Nothing lasts forever
and on and on it goes
dying painful hopeless
this is what I chose.

Faithful

Faithful in it’s pursuit
hope has to be learned
trust not automatic
love so easy spurned
light and lilting softly
gentle without pain
it doesn’t have to hurt
to share the destroyers name
confusing because it’s easy
expected struggles extinct
wonderous in it’s wholeness
it’s exactly what you think
not in a catagory
lets claim it for our own
just another way to feel
no longer lost alone.
Name it what you want to
it’s yours and mine you see
theres no rules to follow
we can design our dreams

Dance of Eve

consuming seduction
no longer breaths unknown
decedent propulsion
the root inside is grown
shameless in the splendor
natures sweetest hues
breathing in the essense
eden lies in you
laying in the garden
alive and now awake
budding slowly open
womans necter take
oh sweetest creation
to watch the dance of Eve
perfection at its finest
Eve come dance in me

Alone

Through my mind lacking verse,
of empty sounding words.
scarred disillusioned
I guess it could be worse.
Behind loves heartbreaking lies,
those who are broken hide.
knowing theres no way to win
 when using empty eyes.
They sing pains song aching long,
with no way to understand,
the meaning of the song they sing.
but they feel it’s icy hand
tantalize and savor,
the musky lovers scent.
through hurt they smile
walls barely have a dent.
Looking lost for a dream
I wonder where it went.

Silence

• • I tasted your sweetness
    I swam inside your eyes
    your golden whispers pyrite
    your truth the sweetest lies.
    tightly held reminders
    still beneath my skin
    perfectly broken promise
    from when we first begin
    Sacrificed to nothing
    you took my everything
    no longer can I soar the heights
    life has clipped my wings.
    My one more time was stunted
    this seed could never grow
    everything it could have been
    is buried in your snow.
    asleep, apart from hopeless
    waiting for your rain
    nursed beyond all reason
    sheltered from the pain.
    Believe again I whisper
    yet I'm left without a choice
    I am not its master
    it does not heed my voice.

My familiar

Surrender into torment

facing my familiar

nurtured inside me

my palisade

promise crushed

filtered through your prism

light created shadows

I die daily

choices an illusion

peace cant reach me

hopes song has faded

this is what is left.

how completely

truth is twisted

distorted

I am redefined.

disfigured

I swallow my sadness.

absorbing

melding

Inseparable.

Its all that is left.

The Basement of my Soul

 

Down inside is aching

cobwebs and shadows hide

parts of me lay bleeding

parts will not survive.

Pain never acknowledge

Innocent stored, but scarred

cold against the cement

so beautiful, but marred.

All the broken promises

the love that I cant feel

stored here, and forgotten

hurt time can never heal.

Molded now, and wasted

the dream I can not hold.

mixed up with the memories

of grief so very old.

Memories Mother

Mother of a memory
nurtures just the pain
love has no purpose
umbrella's with no rain.
Hands that can not touch you
eyes that can not see
a heart that still loves you
and other useless things
Little broken promise
it's all thats left behind
the sun it shines so brightly
but death has left me blind
Little scrap of sorrow
Lost and never found
bound up in the aching
laid deep in the ground

December

Chill of December
reminding me still
all that is missing
what time can not heal.
Cold winds keep blowing
forever I'm froze
whats left of the promise
now lie in repose.
The world keeps on spinning
cycles and change
my soul is stagnate
as I cry your name.
Unchanging nightmare
so solid the ache
hope can't resolve it
permanent break
life interrupted
memories exhumed
so I die slowly
In December entombed

Again

Hope died with the promise
never to be regained,
lost to me forever
December cries your name.
Reach and pull back nothing
still reaching all these years
nothing is forgotten
I've not ran out of tears.
I ache for you in silence.
pain reserves it's space
never to be forgotten
the memory of your face.
I died again in peices
I split again into
I am holding everything
but all I want is you.

Need

Need opens emotions
the broken looks away
wanting no illusions
and dreams smell of decay
The need it is so desperate
but reaching leaves me cold
Hope has been defeated
numb came to enfold
unmoved no understanding
of the pain too deep to name
silence screams inside me
but empty sounds the same.
Need has no way of knowing
the reason it's ignored
its keep on knocking
it's price I can't afford.

Come See

Come see what hopes forgotten
see past the empty space
faces and places I once belonged
gone without a trace
You say it’s me, but you don’t know
I’m only what you see
you never crossed the place apart
past pretend and make believe.
I’m dying in this river
I’m melting in the snow
slowly becoming nothing
and no one will ever know.
You can’t not mourn my passing
I was never even real
I just played the part you gave me
the shadow you can’t kill.
I’m dying in the river
I’m drowning in this skin
I release my soul to nothing
the beginning and the end.

Dead

She’s a ghost in a sea of purple
staring up at waterfalls.
wasted and forgotten
desperately she calls
I taste her tears inside me
her voices still softly sings
oh she must be silenced
her song pollutes my dreams.
At war the sides divided
the spoils scattered in my soul
Theres not room to hold her
and still hope to be whole.
Sometimes I feel her fighting
I hear her anguished cries
she’s the longing and the aching
her pain hides in my eyes.
Dead she is becoming
cedar walls entomb
her memory holds no value
the fires tongue consumes.
I choke the life from her memory
she’s damaged beyond repair
no way to reconcile the gap
and awake to find me there.

Juxtapose to Dreams

She who always saw

life out of her grasp

Could always dream tomorrow

the happiness she'd clasp.

Someday she'd not be broken

Someday she'd shed her skin

Someday she'd write the lyrics

the question was just.. When?

Juxtapose to dreaming

Hope it held her hand

until the light was dying

now all alone she stands.

There is no complacency

and her broken soul it grieves

most her living has been done

by pretend and make believe.

Salvation

The worms ate my salvation,

dined upon my joy.

My promise has been buried

the alters been destroyed.

Hope it can not find me.

Anger defends the walls.

I scream into the blackness

yet silence fills the halls.

Dreams aren't for the weary

a song my heart can't sing

deep within the earth

cries the melancholy kings.

I sit here with the numbness

full of tears that I can't cry.

the rhythm my hearts beating

repeating why oh why oh why.....

Ashes

It rips at my sanity
tearing me apart
everything I thought I was
bleeds from its broken parts.

The hands that shaped my pieces
helped form my hopes and dreams
your lips promised grandeur
not mediocrity.

symbiotic desperation
my heart it beats your name
hidden in the shadows
my eyes they hold your pain

The truth rest in the ashes
let the bodies burn
devotion is eternal
and love is never earned.

Dreams

Dreams that kept me standing
Dreams that made me smile
Hope that left me breathless
joy stayed with me a while
Numb waited in the corner
he knew it wouldn't last
Now he can take over
god please make it fast
I cry for what could've been
never for what was
I loved for what should have been
for the good it does
I only have myself to blame
I knew it from the start
I'm the one that dreams too big
I broke my own heart.

Coal

Diamonds may come from coal
but beauty you can't find
set upon your finger
coal will never shine.
dirty black useless
unless your turning cold
damp and dreary desperate
it's warmth you can't help hold.
till the chill melts away
and the coal has turned to dust
don't think about the sacrifice
moving on you must
Find again your diamond
to match your shining eyes
find what makes you happy
no time now for goodbyes.

Someone Elses Dream

 Somewhere someone is smiling
Someone now holds their dreams
Somewhere someone is singing
a song not meant for me.
Someones holding everything
here, I'm just holding on
laying in this bed alone
my everything is gone.
I just lay here dreaming
Someone elses dream
reaching out for happy
but it doesn't reach for me
Somewhere someone is crying
That someone might be me
and you may hear me singing
but sorrow plays the keys
Somewhere a light is dying
someone is letting go
Love it keeps reminding
but its running out of hope.
All the broken peices
I've spread out on the floor
I'll put them back together
I've done it all before.
Happys an illusion
I blindly chase its tails
my hands grasp so wildly
but every effort fails

Alone

Transendence temporary
as life cycles change
everything should be different
yet nothing it seems has changed
For a moment I felt happy.
My soul laid out so bare
I could trust life not to hurt me
I could trust life to be fair
Had I learned nothing
I’d climb so far and fall
when I wrapped my hands around it
I stood to loose it all.
Faith has no substance
the cost is way to high
I’ve seen both your faces
and watched the flowers die
I ask the night a question
Is there any way to win?
Silence was my answer
and alone I stand again.

Wasted

Wasted

Rotted upon the ground
how did this come to be..
Unimaginable destiny
when I was young and green
Potential lost decaying
flies now eat the fruit
waiting for perfection
ideologic youth.
Ripeness came and went
I never even knew
all that ever mattered
was being held by you.
Discarded wasted
here I am
nothing good remains
dreams haunting reminding
love is forever stained